
Colossians 1:9, "For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding."
I prayed right now for the Lord to use my transparency and honesty to reach one person today. I don't need to know who, how or why...I just realize this...what I'm going through someone else probably is as well and it can be worse. BUT that someone may not know the grace that I know. The strength that I possess and the center from where I pull it from. SOOOO Lord, I claim that your will be done, that your divine intervention take it's course through my words.
I recently have disconnected myself from people in my life out of hurt and our own views of life...the values we each possess and the morals. I know that I will not always be in line with others and have accepted that my choices are exactly that. But with that said...it does leave me to be completely alone with the one true person that must be the center of my life which is my Father in heaven. So now, when I'm down or hurdles come my way, I honestly HAVE to turn to HIM because I chose to make HIM the first person to run too, if I don't, then I'm not utilizing the best source around.
As I focus on this verse today I realized that the Lord still is that same mighty sovereign MAN upstairs. I laugh as I type this. So many times in the day I run from Him thinking I know better, that my flesh makes better decisions or my heart says I should do this verses That. Man is He amazing. Let me tell you why....
I walked into my home last Friday with the kids and my friends expecting a perfect fun Friday night with the fam...healthy, dinner, movies...relax time...adult conversation etc...Instead I got a knock on my door. It was the police. My heart sank, my breath was taken...my mind was in shambles...GOD? I didn't even pray to Him...just became robotic. I've been robotic ever since. Heart of stone. WHY? WHY ME? What have I done besides constantly desire to be better, to love more, to forgive, to be forgiven, to be that mother, to be that success story, to laugh, to build friendships, to love that man one day? Now this?
Child Services has now been to my house 2 times in the past 7 days and they can and most likely will come back. I don't know why and as of today...I DON'T CARE. Because of two verses. One is Jeremiah 29:11 " For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." For this verse I today remember and will apply this belief that HE IS SOVEREIGN. That He knows why and I don't need to. It's IMPOSSIBLE for us, for a single mother to really really understand why someone else would want to hurt and take from us the one gift that we cherish sooo much and take pride in. Our children, our legacy. BUT for this verse, I give it to the Lord. I know, I know...I'm crazy. Who in their right mind wouldn't go investigate the culprit, the jerk that called them on me to bring me down? To take every ounce of belief in who I am out of me? Cuz for 7 days I've been walking around or should I say running around emotionally fighting every thought possible from "what's wrong with me?" "who did I do wrong that would lie" "am I a bad mother" " I'll ever be good enough" "a man will never want to love me once he sees this drama" JEREMIAH 29:11!!!!!
This is where I begin to focus now on Colossians 1:9...THE IMPOSSIBLE. I will choose to LOVE that one suspect. I will CHOOSE to claim the IMPOSSIBLE verses react in the POSSIBLE. I can yell, I can name call (which I have been doing), I can cry, I can plead for respect from the culprit. That's not going to work is what goes through my mind. It's IMPOSSIBLE for this culprit to ever love enough to show his gratefulness for my hard work and unconditional love as a mother. But TODAY I choose to turn this over to the Lord and focus on Col 1:9...that culprit WILL BE SAVED and HE IS FORGIVEN by the grace of a mighty God. I will not give up praying for him. I will believe and use the Lords understanding to LOVE and PRAY today. No more fighting, no more internal pain, no more tears...JUST BELIEF and constant mediation on the beautiful word of God.