Asking for the Impossible When All I do is What's Possible

Colossians 1:9, "For this reason, since the day we heard about you, we have not stopped praying for you and asking God to fill you with the knowledge of his will through all spiritual wisdom and understanding."

I prayed right now for the Lord to use my transparency and honesty to reach one person today. I don't need to know who, how or why...I just realize this...what I'm going through someone else probably is as well and it can be worse. BUT that someone may not know the grace that I know. The strength that I possess and the center from where I pull it from. SOOOO Lord, I claim that your will be done, that your divine intervention take it's course through my words.

I recently have disconnected myself from people in my life out of hurt and our own views of life...the values we each possess and the morals. I know that I will not always be in line with others and have accepted that my choices are exactly that. But with that said...it does leave me to be completely alone with the one true person that must be the center of my life which is my Father in heaven. So now, when I'm down or hurdles come my way, I honestly HAVE to turn to HIM because I chose to make HIM the first person to run too, if I don't, then I'm not utilizing the best source around.

As I focus on this verse today I realized that the Lord still is that same mighty sovereign MAN upstairs. I laugh as I type this. So many times in the day I run from Him thinking I know better, that my flesh makes better decisions or my heart says I should do this verses That. Man is He amazing. Let me tell you why....

I walked into my home last Friday with the kids and my friends expecting a perfect fun Friday night with the fam...healthy, dinner, movies...relax time...adult conversation etc...Instead I got a knock on my door. It was the police. My heart sank, my breath was taken...my mind was in shambles...GOD? I didn't even pray to Him...just became robotic. I've been robotic ever since. Heart of stone. WHY? WHY ME? What have I done besides constantly desire to be better, to love more, to forgive, to be forgiven, to be that mother, to be that success story, to laugh, to build friendships, to love that man one day? Now this?

Child Services has now been to my house 2 times in the past 7 days and they can and most likely will come back. I don't know why and as of today...I DON'T CARE. Because of two verses. One is Jeremiah 29:11 " For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans to prosper you and not to harm you, plans to give you hope and a future." For this verse I today remember and will apply this belief that HE IS SOVEREIGN. That He knows why and I don't need to. It's IMPOSSIBLE for us, for a single mother to really really understand why someone else would want to hurt and take from us the one gift that we cherish sooo much and take pride in. Our children, our legacy. BUT for this verse, I give it to the Lord. I know, I know...I'm crazy. Who in their right mind wouldn't go investigate the culprit, the jerk that called them on me to bring me down? To take every ounce of belief in who I am out of me? Cuz for 7 days I've been walking around or should I say running around emotionally fighting every thought possible from "what's wrong with me?" "who did I do wrong that would lie" "am I a bad mother" " I'll ever be good enough" "a man will never want to love me once he sees this drama" JEREMIAH 29:11!!!!!

This is where I begin to focus now on Colossians 1:9...THE IMPOSSIBLE. I will choose to LOVE that one suspect. I will CHOOSE to claim the IMPOSSIBLE verses react in the POSSIBLE. I can yell, I can name call (which I have been doing), I can cry, I can plead for respect from the culprit. That's not going to work is what goes through my mind. It's IMPOSSIBLE for this culprit to ever love enough to show his gratefulness for my hard work and unconditional love as a mother. But TODAY I choose to turn this over to the Lord and focus on Col 1:9...that culprit WILL BE SAVED and HE IS FORGIVEN by the grace of a mighty God. I will not give up praying for him. I will believe and use the Lords understanding to LOVE and PRAY today. No more fighting, no more internal pain, no more tears...JUST BELIEF and constant mediation on the beautiful word of God.

The LOG in My Own Eye...

Rachel Olsen blogged this below and it completely hit me hard. But I know that today is a NEW day and I can move forward with prayer on how this applies to my life. I HAVE A LOG IN MY OWN EYE....

"If it is possible, so far as it depends on you, live at peace with everyone." Romans 12:18 (NIV)
What a challenging verse Paul penned in Romans 12:18.

Several years ago someone close to me confided their plans to me. They told a few other people I know at the same time. None of us thought her plans were wise, yet no one said anything in response.

But me.

Feeling her plans weren't well thought out or grounded in God's Word, I feared she would wind up with regret and likely hurt other people in the process. I didn't want to see my friend make what I felt would be a big mistake. So I tried logically and lovingly to lay out for her the reasons I felt this way. She took offense and got angry with me. Honestly, I expected that. No one likes to have their plans blocked or their decisions questioned.

What I didn't expect was her to verbally to attack me, my character, my marriage and my role in ministry in response! But that's what she did, including some choice allegations and blatant lies.

I don't like to argue – at all – but that said, I'm pretty good at it when I'm mad. (I'm a communication instructor after all.) Once I reach boiling point, I can explode. And in the past I've let my emotions and my mouth run unchecked in situations like this.

I had a large load of ammunition I could fire back at her with, and more than half a mind to do so. But I also had the Spirit of God in my soul and the words of Paul memorized. So I chose to bite my tongue this time.

It was hard.

Feeling nudged by God, I resolved not to fire back or call her to task for what she had said. I resisted pointing out that my comments to her were an attempt to look out for everyone's well-being including hers. And resisted pointing out that her comments to me seemed hateful in return. Instead, I took all my anger, hurt feelings and lengthy "speeches" to Jesus.

I prayed while I waited for my hurting heart to catch up with my decision to overlook this offense. It took months for that process to complete in me. Hurt feelings often die hard.

As much as it was up to me, that's all I felt I could do.

It took a couple years for her to fully come back around, but she did. She also never went through with those plans. And the others in the group saw her attack for what it was: an unfounded tirade leveled in the heat of the moment.

Our relationship today is intact and she's even OK with me sharing our story. I firmly believe this is because I bit my tongue, and prayed with it rather than burning relational bridges. Though she questioned my character at the time, I let God be my advisor and my defense – and then let my actions speak for themselves. And I don't regret any part of that course of action, unlike those times in the past when I simply spewed.

One thing I've learned living on this planet is we sure have a hard time being at peace with one another. But when God's Spirit is given room to move in a woman's hurting heart, she can graciously handle conflict and overlook an offense. It's not easy, but it is worth it.

Hebrews 12:14 says, "Make every effort to live in peace with all men and to be holy; without holiness no one will see the Lord" (NIV). So today, as much as it is up to us, let's allow peace to reign and Christ to be seen.

Dear Lord, relationships can be so hard to navigate. Help me know when to hold my tongue and pray instead. Help me overlook the little offenses made in ignorance or the insults made in the heat of an argument. And help me to also know when I should stand up and speak up. In Jesus' Name, Amen.

Everyone Everywhere

My Hill seems like a Mountain sometimes

Last night I laid on the couch and ate a bowl of Cookies and Cream ice cream. Fell asleep and woke up two hours later and ate a bowl of Lucky Charms cereal. I woke up again 3 hours later this time and my stomach was horrible and in pain....

I thought to myself at 4:45 am...why the heck don't you control this? WHY??? I looked in the mirror and was disgusted. I didn't like what I saw. I've been dealing with for 2 months now. Stress affects me two ways: food or acne. This time it's food.

Someone told me to look deep in the mirror into my eyes and try to see your heart and you will break down if you're struggling with something. I've done this numerous times in the past 5 years, and every time I've been BROKEN. Literally, I cry, I weep, I have to yell at myself inside to hold the gaze. Because it's sooo easy to look away, but to keep looking and face the depths of your heart is hard yet cleansing.

Does this make sense?

This morning in the darkness I could barely even look into my eyes, but I saw what I saw and I was again faced with the results of lack of discipline and desire.

To engage in something or acts of something knowing that it's unhealthy and hurting God's temple to me is sin.

I have an IMAGINE book. It's my book that Newport Church gave me years ago to write my innermost thoughts, secrets, goals, sins, favors, struggles, dreams etc. I love this concept, I'm sure others have one too like a diary. Today, I studied the word and sought wisdom and strength. I wanted to find out about the Lords favor...I was uplifted, forgiven and strengthened.

This week I commit to the following:

1. fast for 20 days from any alcohol consumption (that speaks volumes since I love my red wine!) I want to be clear of mind daily and at night when I struggle with food.
2. cleanse for 1 week refraining from carbs and sugars consuming greens, fruits, nuts and lean fishes
3. turn tv off at 10 pm so that I get up early to run so that I can care for the body that God has given me responsibility.

Partly Sunny today...I will cry out and He will answer

Wow! Laura Weaver you are my twin wherever you are! God is so good.

Why? I too am a single parent. I received a call today on top of all that I have been dealing with (loss my car recently, no child support, he has kids for 3 weeks and not a word from them, bills bills bills, school tuition etc) and that call just knocked me off the "partly sunny" perspective. I am sitting here reading the devotional with worship in the background, trying to hide my tears since the "partly cloudy" perspective consumes you!

Then I received that kiss and almost a conviction from the Holy Spirit saying "I've brought you this far, do not worry."

I want to cry now ladies! I am going to be honest. What's hard is letting go and letting God. Especially when you've seen His faithfulness hold you through the past 2 years. It's so simple, yet I resist and become afraid.

Laura Weaver, your words blessed me this morning. Because I am not alone. Your strength despite your circumstances has blessed me today and strengthened me. He answered me and told me to read these comments after I was done praying. I said, "why? I don't feel like it".

Now I know why!

I promise to you girls with hopes of prayer and accountability wherever you all are that I will too stay faithful, positive, grateful and focused.

Please pray for me for a car as well. For my court date on Sept. 25th, for my children's protection while with their father, for blessings as a real estate agent as well!

Please visit my blog...mymommywoodmaressaleah.blogspot.com if you would like to talk, pray, blog, laugh etc.

Thank you Lord!

A Muffled Cry across the Nation...Am I listening?

Anonymous said...
please, please keep writing devotionals that speak directly to me.
I'm a lost sheep.
A few years ago I wrote to you about what my pastoral staff did to me after I asked for help. My husband was violently abusive to me, my 4 yr old and my 14 yr old.
My church chose, instead, to take my husband's side.
After they refused to help, I had my husband arrested, he was thrown in jail and made to leave our home.
The church helped him hire an attorney. Church members (including a police detective, police chaplain, etc) helped him start an investigation, which my husband used to try and have me involuntarily committed to a hospital (2 days after he plead guilty in court).
I asked the previous 4 churches we attended for help as well. Each took my husband's side.
In utter despair, I wrote Pro31 ministries an anonymous letter, asking you to pray for me. I haven't stepped foot in a church for 4 years. I hate Christian women for the devious, backbiting and lying gossip they spread about me.
My 4 yr old was throwing raging fits at bed time. I had to lock him down with my arms and legs for 45 mins to an hour EVERY night. My husband cut me off from our checking account. We drank water because I had NO money for milk. I can't tell you how MUCH I hate Christian women for not helping me.
I NEVER gave up on my Savior though. He held me the night I wrote to you, begging for prayer. My Shelter. My Balm of Gilead. My Comforter. My Protection. My Rescuer placed a sentry of angels around me and NOTHING my husband or his church tried to do succeeded. EVERY plan they made in the darkness was brought into the light.
How I love Him. He will lead me back to my "resting place" one day, but for now He's my Resting Place.
He's pushing me back there, I can feel it (and if you would just stop writing these dang devotionals directly for me, it sure would feel a whole lot better!!!)
Or maybe I should say He's leading me.
Please keep doing what you're doing (no really, I don't mean that...do I? Do you really have to make me to do this NOW, Lord?)

Christine
Durham, NC

Waking up on the wrong side of the bed

I woke up this morning to:
1. Greyson climbed in my bed and wet through his pullups
2. Both kids begging me to impatiently help them go "potty cuz they're scared of monsters" for a good 30 minutes.

So I woke up, made the only thing that brings me joy.. Dunkin Donuts French Vanilla coffee in hopes that that will at least turn wrong side to good side.... not really.

Looking around I realized that today was definitely laundry day before church and then "cleaning day after church...no procrastination Maressa, get started"... Low and behold, my uncle decided to leave 9 large boxes right in front of the garage door, blocking my entourage of 6 loads of laundry....Ugh.

I immediately called my mother (since that's what us grownups do when we want to kick and scream) and demanded for her to call uncle and tell him those boxes must be moved immediately or else Goodwill! (wowsa, can you say BRAT?)

Right then and there, I wanted to cry. I seriously stood there in the kitchen and wanted to bawl, I didn't understand why? I spoke to myself and said,"why are you so upset?" Go spend time with GOD woman!

As I opened up Proverbs31Ministries.com, God completely shot me in the heart. http://proverbs31devotions.blogspot.com/search/label/Contentment (please repost the link and read the devo for the day) Title was "Its still a Good Day! Really? Really? Really?

God amazes me everyday. Never fails, He really never does.

Here it is.

I can choose to let these mishaps design the rest of my day. I can kick and scream, take it out on Grey and Bella, skip church, call Jason and pick on him, be a couch potato and just be miserable. Right? Since who wants to wake up to all these obstacles and Murphy's Law riding against me? OORRRR I can take it as a grain of salt and MAKE THE CHOICE to be at peace! Geez, I look around and have everything yet I was choosing to take out the bad on others. Wow.

Wrong side of the bed? That gives me no reason at all to be ungrateful or lack any type of peace.

Today I choose to be Grateful, Today I choose to be at peace, Today I choose to embrace, Today I choose to be patient, Today I choose to have a spirit of Love.