Last night I laid on the couch and ate a bowl of Cookies and Cream ice cream. Fell asleep and woke up two hours later and ate a bowl of Lucky Charms cereal. I woke up again 3 hours later this time and my stomach was horrible and in pain....
I thought to myself at 4:45 am...why the heck don't you control this? WHY??? I looked in the mirror and was disgusted. I didn't like what I saw. I've been dealing with for 2 months now. Stress affects me two ways: food or acne. This time it's food.
Someone told me to look deep in the mirror into my eyes and try to see your heart and you will break down if you're struggling with something. I've done this numerous times in the past 5 years, and every time I've been BROKEN. Literally, I cry, I weep, I have to yell at myself inside to hold the gaze. Because it's sooo easy to look away, but to keep looking and face the depths of your heart is hard yet cleansing.
Does this make sense?
This morning in the darkness I could barely even look into my eyes, but I saw what I saw and I was again faced with the results of lack of discipline and desire.
To engage in something or acts of something knowing that it's unhealthy and hurting God's temple to me is sin.
I have an IMAGINE book. It's my book that Newport Church gave me years ago to write my innermost thoughts, secrets, goals, sins, favors, struggles, dreams etc. I love this concept, I'm sure others have one too like a diary. Today, I studied the word and sought wisdom and strength. I wanted to find out about the Lords favor...I was uplifted, forgiven and strengthened.
This week I commit to the following:
1. fast for 20 days from any alcohol consumption (that speaks volumes since I love my red wine!) I want to be clear of mind daily and at night when I struggle with food.
2. cleanse for 1 week refraining from carbs and sugars consuming greens, fruits, nuts and lean fishes
3. turn tv off at 10 pm so that I get up early to run so that I can care for the body that God has given me responsibility.
